So I love this website that I just came across:
And I also love to remember my childhood and try to draw inspiration from the amazing parents who raised me.
I have also learned so much about judgement being a parent. There is a book a couple of moms wrote a few years ago called "I was a perfect mom before I had kids". That about sums it up. I think for the most part, as parents, we all try to take the best from our own childhood and incorporate from our own lives what works well and just run with it. There is no perfect parent and no better or best - I try to keep in mind what type of end result I want for my kids: happy, well adjusted, confident, contributing members of our family and our planet.
I love Dr. Sears for medical and growing advice: http://www.askdrsears.com/ and love the Happiest Toddler on the Block (Dr. Karp). Also Louise Ames Bates wrote great books, published in the 70's called "Your One Year Old", "Your Two Year Old", etc. You can find these in used book stores and they are awesome for referencing behaviour specific to a childs age during the appropriate year. It is also a good reminder for me of where each child is emotionally and developmentally - I think I expect my 3 1/2 year old to be where my 5 1/2 year old is ... since they play together so much.
Postings for later today: my delicious oatmeal chocolate chip cookie recipe (okay, it is out of Martha Stewart's Cookie Book) and the famous Shelby's Salad dressing (Uncle Rich may have accidentally memorized this recipe when he worked at Shelby's in Orinda - the menu ahs changed - maybe this is the balsamic glace from the Chicken Spinach Salad on the lunch menu? Only Rich will be able to tell us: http://www.shelbyseatbetter.com/docs/lunch.pdf.)
In the meantime, it is Ash Wednesday and I am going to put it out right here and right now - I am giving up alcohol for lent. That is right. I don't think I will be able to get ashes today, but I am participating in lent. There we have it.
Now while the kids are napping, I will be setting up our new computer. If I am back online tonight, it worked.
3 comments:
I totally agree with you, however my opinion is based solely on being a daughter and observing the parenting techniques of others (sisters included!). I don't think perfect parenting exists. And it shouldn't! The most important thing in my mind is to let you your child be themselves and learn from every single experience they have, good and bad. In addition, it is so important to allow your child to have those bad experiences. Little is learned without making mistakes and being challenged.
So many parents these days demand perfection from their children because they look at their children as a reflection of themselves. Perfect kid=Perfect perfect. We have all seen the damage that this type of "perfect" parent can cause to a "perfect" child. It is not pretty. The child grows up having no idea who they really are or what they really want because their parents have always told them the answers to those questions. Before this turns into a total rant, I will end my commentary by just saying that parents need to relax and join their kids in the adventures of growing up! By the way, my siblings are all wonderful parents and I can only hope to be as good of a Mom as you these three moms are. I'm the lucky one because I get to learn from you all (In addition to Mom lessons, hand me downs will also be accepted). These peanut gallery comments were in no way a "hint, hint..."
Looking forward to the recipes! Maybe I should go to Shelby's to check out the new menu.
Please post the oatmeal cookie recipe because I was craving it and thought I found it and they turned out horribly!
I'm so glad you posted this. So much truth. I've had an interesting couple of days - including seeing my child get his first black eye, and also feeling judged by my roommate for not responding in time when my child woke up from a nap. The black eye? well, we were having a dance party to Rich's old country records. Birch loves to dance, and he is pretty steady. But that night his feet just got ahead of him and he took a spill and hit his eye on the corner of a chair. It looks nasty - I'll post a photo, on second thought I'll leave it to your imagination!! I felt like a bad mom - I wasn't being careful enough. And then I had an interesting interaction with my housemate, Abi who made a comment about me traumatizing my child because I was outside in the greenhouse when he woke up from a nap and I couldn't hear him. I felt judged and told her the next day that I didn't appreciate the comment. This led to a good discussion about how it is easy to feel that one's parenting style is being judged, especially since we are in such daily contact. She apologized. And we agreed that it is good to get those feelings out in the open. Every person has their own parenting style which comes from how they were parented, and also the personality of their child. My style is definitely evolving - and it is far from perfect. I am learning to go easy on myself, because I do have a desire to be perfect, which is impossible. Thanks for sharing your process Katie, and your encouragement Bee.
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